A Standstill
It’s been too long since I last wrote on an airplane coming home—full of inspiration and a new fire within me. Nearly a month and a half has gone by and I feel like my life is the polar opposite of what I had thought it would be and what I was trying so hard to plan -which thinking I could schedule my life might be where I went wrong in the first place. Traveling was incredible but it has also ruined me, every day life back home seems too dull and pointless. Every plan I made for myself for my return home has fizzled out. I’m currently living in my childhood home—chalked full of unwanted memories, with boxes I refuse to unpack because that dooms me to stay here longer. I’m in my hometown, which I’ve never had a desire to return to and I feel beyond frustrated that I let this happen. I tried so hard to build a life I wanted and somehow I’m back home. It’s hard to believe I was in Asia a little over a month ago, where each day felt new and exciting. I know deep down that this is temporary, but truthfully it’s disheartening.
Sometimes when I drive at night I get tense and anxious because I can’t see ahead of me. But I always realize I’m just looking too far forward- and my headlights work just fine. I know that’s what’s happening in my life too, I’m not being patient enough- my gaze is too high. Most days it’s hard to remind myself that, it’s hard to see that I’m in control even when I feel like I’ve lost the reins. One of my favorite quotes from F. Scott Fitzgerald reminds me that this stop is not my whole life, “For what it’s worth: It’s never too late to be whoever you want to be. I hope you live a life you’re proud of, and if you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start over.”
Anyways here is a video compiled from a picture each day from the last three months:
